May 2024

April was an amazing month, I was regularly waling 5km and sometimes as much as 7km, often including hills.  I had started doing a little dance fitness using youtube videos by the Fitness Marshall.  I had been able to buy some clothes finally and had underwear that fit, jeans that fit and some new clothese I felt I looked so much better in.  Although my weight loss had not been the quickest, I finally reached the 5 stone mark at Slimming World.  Then at the very end of April I got to go on holiday!

OK so it was a group holiday and I met a handful of the people before.  It was also a cycling holiday for my husband I was tagging along with, but who cares!  All you can buffets, some warmth (April had been so cold!) and a place full of history and culture to explore.  I just had to be brave enough to do the exploring by myself while my husband was off doing his cycling in the mornings and early afternoons.  I had decided to not diet and just really enjoy the food.  My first holiday abroad since before Covid.

I had a lovely time, but on the first of May, there was the beginning of a shift from the highs of April.  I was tired and it was a full day.  I had something booked in the morning that I could only do then and the late afternoon we had an excursion booked and it was the only real trip out I had with my husband.  A lot of climbing and walking but worth it.

That night though, my legs were extremely swollen.  In my jeans, they were a snug fit all the way to the hem.  At home, whenever I am not walking or doing something involving being on my feet, I am sat on the sofa with my legs up as it is a recliner.  As a result, it's some time since I have had Oedema like this.  I kept my legs raised as much as possible but being involved with the group and doing things limited the time I could do that for.

Instead of going out on the Thursday, I decided to have a quiet day at the hotel.  I spent time in the jacuzzi, had a short walk with a friend and then had a massage.  I was so happy when, despite the language barrier, it was clear the masseuse understood I needed a lymphatic massage and was able to give me one.  It really didn't need words to explain my issue though, my ankles were huge with that thin shiny skin.

Friday, I had things to do and I wasn't going to miss another day.  I had a list of things to see and do and so many of them were being saved for next year already lol.  Saturday was our final day and we ate with friends before flying home.  At the airport I noticed the first little tickle in my throat.  I knew what was coming because one of the group had been unwell all week and had had very little voice.  

We stayed overnight in a hotel and drove back the next day.  I was very much feeling unwell by this point and slept for a lot of the car journey.  Once home, things didn't get better and I was pretty sick for a couple of weeks.  I had managed to gain 1.5 stone when I weighed myself at home.  I knew a lot of that was fluid from my legs and would go quick enough.  I also had a numb and tingly right foot.

I do a fair bit of bulk cooking so we had a lot of tubs we could reheat that kept us on plan.  My husband took over the cooking and that meant much simpler and easier meals.  Possibly not quite as on plan as I would cook.  Also, some takeaways.  We were mostly on plan, but not fully and I was not exercising at all.

Not walking was tough.  I love those Garmin challenges and I had to accept that I just was not going to achieve my May challenges.  I nearly made a couple of them.  I was nearly at 20 activities and the distance I had left to get to an average of 1 mile a day walked would have been one good walk to me in April.  I did walk but they were all under 2km and tiring.  This meant I went from being really ahead to just about on track for the quarterly walking challenge.  This one I really want to get, because you need all four quarterly challenges to do the yearly challenge.

The Oedema went but the tingling and numbness remained.  A trip to the Doctors and it was nothing obvious.  Some sort of nerve involvement from the swelling maybe.  If it had been B12 deficiency (something I have had), it would have been both feet, and the same for any thyroid related issues.

It was just a frustrating month.  I had to really pull back on all my efforts.  I cooked the simplest easiest things.  I spaced out making an effort.  For instance, I cooked two cottage pies one day and froze one so I could have a day off in a few days time.  I didn't try new recipes, everything was things I had done before that I knew were easy.  Also, the simplest, less stressful veg to prep, so no to butternut squash, yes to leeks, broccoli and carrots.  So we made it to the end of May with an empty freezer.  It's what it is there for, but I don't like it when it gets completely empty of pre prepped food like this.

There was one weekend which was unavoidably social and busy and that weekend really set me back for the following week.  Everything was frustrating.  I read a lot and luckily I had some commissions that I could dip in and out of as I had the energy.  I am ok being ill for a week or two, but it does start to get to me when it is longer and turns in to never seeming to end fatigue.  I have spent so much of my life feeling fatigued and just dreadful.  I feel so much better than I did before but it's really hard to go back to it for any length of time.  I have slept so much of my life away.

I also had noticed that Park Yoga was starting and had been disappointed to miss the first session as we were away.  Of course, I missed all the sessions in May as I just didn't have the energy.  I also missed my first individual Dietician session.  I had been pretty ill, but had not cancelled.  I was not disappointed at all when the Dietician had to cancel.

Thing is when it's like this, I know it's not going to stay like this.  I can adjust.  I know I have to lower my expectations, let go of unrealistic goals.  Keeping my activity to a level I can cope with without exhausting myself is really important as it means a slower overall recovery.  It's a bit of a tightrope to walk sometimes.  I was going to get better...  and I was not alone.  So many other people on that trip also had it.  A lot of fit cyclists who didn't cycle for a month and some of them were way sicker than me and needed antibiotics etc.  I know it sounds bad, but it's reassuring to me when I know I am not being a hypochondriac, that I really shouldn't be just pushing through it...  It's not all in my head.

Overall in May, I lost 5 pounds and didn't make it back to my lowest weight of 20 stone 3.5 pounds.  I also finished the month with an unexpected gain of 2.5 pounds.

So it really wasn't a great month but it could have been so very much worse!  I am actually pretty proud of myself for continuing to walk, continuing to lose weight.  I think sometimes you just really have to adjust your expectations.  Those little voices in your head that say, this is how my journey should look and if it doesn't, I am a failure and might as well give up...  there is no place for them.  They are not helpful and they are not your friend.  Its not a race.  It's not success or failure with nothing inbetween.  Its just a journey and sometimes there are delays and difficult patches.  June was going to be better.